Ignorance...Bliss, Blind or just Dumb??

I was recently asked to debate the issue of "paddling High School students” as an effective form of discipline. At first I thought ….am I being "Punked” ? Is this barbaric, ignorant activity still being endorsed in the 21^st Century? It appears as though a Texas school district is touting the success they are having with their new parent approved policy of paddling students who misbehave in school……

I accepted the offer for two reasons. Number one, I really was curious about what the other side would say in this debate. Number two, I wanted to test myself and see if I could not laugh out loud on camera as they laid out their reasoning.

I did pass the test with flying colors because the argument made was not only outrageous but incredibly ignorant. Let's see ….here is a sampling of what I heard:

"Paddling and the threat of paddling in the Texas school district has improved the behavior of their High School students”

My Response: What exactly do you mean by improved?? Are they now better at using intimidation themselves to make a point. Haven't we just done a slew of news stories on the deadly effects of bullying through cyber intimidation?? When adults resort to fear and intimidation in dealing with kids…it tells me more about the adults being out of answers and more out of control than the kids. A school's job is to facilitate learning….not treat the kids like prisoners. Just like the equations they use in their math classroom….it is intended for use beyond the hallways of school…this lesson of using fear will be applied outside as well.

"The parents and law allow for this form of punishment”

My Response: If the parents approved of kids carrying fire arms or having sex at school….would the teachers/ administrators be on board with that too?? If we did not have a law for seat belts or stopping at red lights would that alter your behavior?? Do laws now supersede common sense?? The law should require every school personnel to pass a competency test on how to handle adolescent behavior in a functional way.

" It is only used for the worst behavior problems”

My Response: So the kids who need the greatest investment are getting the least creative way of responding to their problem. Adding to the heap and loading the emotional gun doesn't seem like a good idea. That trigger may not be pulled now……but in ths especially unpredictable world, it will probably happen later in life, most likely at the corner WAWA.

 "The paddling is supervised and parents are present to prevent injury”

My response: This is the most disturbing part of the story. The humiliation and shame is actually deliberated beforehand. I could overlook a mistake in a highly charged moment….for that matter so could the child. But to premeditate humiliation deliberately says "we give up on you”. I ask you, how a child will find his way then.?? It almost guarantees an express ticket to the Texas prison system. Lastly and most importantly…the kind of harm this form of abuse causes does not show up on an XRay…..It is more of a tattoo on the psyche that labels the child not worthy of investment.…… If a child with that message has a pulse…I can guarantee you he will have revenge as well.

ANGER…your new dance partner

Being good at "angry” is a little like "Dancing with the Stars”. You sit, you watch, you think….. if Kate Gosselin can do it…….where are my dancing shoes!!! Right?

I know…sounds crazy doesn't it? Who want s to be angry? Honestly, I think most of us are saying "I do”….but we just don't know how.

Well, just like we see in the back story of "DWS”, at first you hate your partner for pushing you. It looks and feels awkward. There is tons of practice before you even come near comfortable. I'm sure praying for graceful becomes a daily ritual. Then you are ready for prime time…..in a hold your breath kind of way.

Anger is like a well trained dance partner who can only shine if you are in sync with him. He has gotten a bad rap this decade. I say "he” because it is a form of masculine, protective energy that we all need to meet and greet with enthusiasm.

Anger has become to the 2000s what depression was to the 80s and 90s. We traded in Prozac for punching bags.

This is no surprise because depression and anger are really just distant cousins taking turns popping out of the closet. Who shows up depends on which dance partner you have been training with during your formative years.

Don't despair……anger is not a disease. It is a signal. A signal that requires a practiced response. The emotion of anger says you are in some form of "D –anger” ( see the connection?) Figuring out whether that danger is real or imagined is the key. The question is which dance step do you take next? Anger, like a good dance partner can only lead you so far….you must own your part in the performance.

We are not in "Lawrence Welk's world” any longer…some of those stars we now chase, careers, family, success, fortune and fame have some mighty pointy edges. This is the danger we are responding to. It is so important to break down the dance and give voice to your fears….even if you only whisper them to yourself. That dance partner…the anger…is there to lead you to a graceful finish.

Lucky Charms

"Hey Mom….the milk is GREEN!! The leprechauns got us again!” my daughter says with a knowing grin.

With a name like Ferrara, the Irish heritage I carry in my DNA needs some help getting a seat at the table. Saint Patrick's Day always gives that Irish magic a boost.

I love the magic of any and all holidays. As kid, it was about the fun. As an adult, it is about resilience and the future. So many people misunderstand how important it is to foster a sense of wonder and magic in our children. We are driven to measure everything they do either by PSSA or the diagnosis of the day. If it doesn't fit it doesn't matter.

This is so contrary to how we evolve and discover, not only who we are, but what we are capable of. Leonardo Da Vinci proposed thousands of ideas. Many of those ideas looked like they would need some magic to actually work. I'm sure that more than a few people asked "so what's your point?" when they saw his flying machines.  Fortunately, they didn't measure genius or merit then. Ideas, daydreams and musings were allowed to manifest over time. Today, Da Vinci's musings and magical thinking are called the "aerospace industry.”

Saint Patrick is the patron Saint of overcoming obstacles. Many parents dismiss the thoughts or whims of our children because we don't see the immediate value. We need to tread carefully here. Believe it or not ,we need a little nonsensical magic now and then. Back in the day, when children were not as harried or stuffed with gadgetry, magic was always in the air. Games, daydreams, Halloween parades all contributed to the "pot of gold” that we, as adults have transformed into what we call resilience. Resilience is the illogical strands of hope that persist even in the face of despair. Very often we have to conjure up that hope like we conjure up the Easter Bunny.

Single Point of Light

Most of us are aware of the two local girls who ended their young lives on a Philadelphia train track last week. As spectators, we have the grace of an internal circuit breaker. Its' purpose is to save us from the unspeakable pain devouring the family and friends of these girls.

Tragic events always put us at a crossroads. We can ignore this topic, keep it in the shadows and feed the terror it triggers in all of us….or we can find the courage to dig deeper and not let the deaths of these two girls be in vain.

Starting the conversation is the most difficult part….so I will give you some help on how to talk about such a scary/taboo topic.

Here are some important points:

Teens are especially vulnerable to suicidal impulse. They do not see suicide as hurting themselves. They see it as a way to stop hurt.

A sense of "pseudo adulthood” can create a barrier to acknowledging they are in trouble. Any previous trauma can make the adolescent far more vulnerable.

What to do:

Be mindful about how you respond to difficult moments, whether it is spilled milk or a fender bender. It will sway your child in the future about your ability to handle heavy emotional stuff.

Negative emotions are very strong. Be sure your child has a way to process them. Many of us are uncomfortable with anger or deep sadness and are relieved to avoid them. Teens don't always have that luxury.

If your child expresses a wish to end their life, take it very seriously. Seek out professional help. It could not only save their life, but the life of a friend.

It has been said that all of the darkness in the universe cannot extinguish the light of a single candle. Suicide occurs in that darkness. We need to find our courage to keep our children in the light……. so they can find their way.

Big Gulp, Big Mistake

Part 1 of 2

The verdict is in. The Big Gulp is a big mistake and any meal that gets super sized could end up making you super sick. We finally need an official "Just Say NO” campaign for food.

What most people don't know is that nutrition is a brand new science. When corporations are dictating the menu, they are interested in shelf life not your life.

Over the past several decades, how we nourish ourselves has been hijacked by Little Debbie and the Keebler Elves. We have barely scratched the surface of understanding the interplay between food and our bodies. As it turns out …..it is very important. Food plays a huge role in culture because it either adds or subtracts from our ultimate survival. What we eat influences our immune system, our intelligence and our energy levels.

Mother Nature loves balance. Messing with her recipes is not a good idea. Like any other toxin or viral invaders, processed food taxes the body. Over time, it robs capacity from our immune system and hormone centers. Cranking up the insulin and inflammation fighters excessively over time is exhausting!! After four decades of 6 alarm fires to fight off Twinkies and trans fats, it will be no surprise that our systems just give up and stop doing the job properly. Sugar levels stay too high and inflammation gets a free pass. Arthritis, diabetes and other ailments take up permanent residence.

Parents need to become more savvy about the bells and whistles in food. For example, counting calories should be tossed out with rotary phones. Understanding that just like the chemical make up of a drug, food impacts your body and consequently your family's health and well being.

Learning about food is not rocket science. However, it does require more than just knowing the information….you must believe it!

Stay tuned for part 2….we'll get some good reasons to step away from the donuts and start to believe!